Silent Ties

“Hi, it’s me.” Her words said it was her, but her voice told me so much more. I heard her smiling.

She kept me waiting a bit with some catching up chit-chat, but I was already secretly grinning on the other end in anticipation. I met my curious husband’s gaze from across the room, and gave him a reassuring nod. I moved to sit down, while silently cuing him that I would fill him in later.
Aware that she was obviously busting with something fantastic, I got comfortable. I could tell she wanted to blurt something out, but she was caught up in respecting both ends of the conversation. So, I finally decided to help her along.

I steered us through the necessary updates. Work? Health? Church? She barreled through them at unprecedented speed. Satisfied with those results, and to my great delight, she finally arrived to her disclosure point. “I met someone!” she revealed, with a combination of a giggle and relieving sigh. As though she anticipated a stream of questions, she jumped at detailing the when, where, and how. She talked about how different her feelings were this time. I was smiling for her. Her excitement felt contagious.

Suddenly, deeper questions flooded my mind. I wanted to let her have her moment before I launched into interrogation mode, though. So, I listened more to her descriptions of how adorable he was, that everyone at work liked him, and how sweet he was with her.
After I could tell she was winding down just a bit, I asked, “When can we meet him?” And as a major reassurance to me, she didn’t hesitate. “As soon as you like,” she replied. So, we set it up for the following weekend.

We were relieved after meeting him. Antonio was just as she described him. From watching them interact, I witnessed an obvious admiration and love. They were very at ease with each other. I recalled the familiar feeling from my own past. It made me shoot a smile and nod toward my husband. He acknowledged the parallel with a wink and grin. As they left, the revelation that she had met The One took hold.

I knew I wasn’t totally prepared for it. “But who is?”, I asked myself. I was confused by my emotional slurry of celebration and anxiety. After all, our family had already dealt with so many problems-divorce, alcoholism, and health scares, just to name a few. I knew I had to put the worries aside and focus on the here and now situation–her happiness. I reminisced that I must have told her the stories about dating and falling in love with my husband a thousand times, and how I wanted the same contentment for her.

And, over the years, they have been blessed with a loving and happy marriage. We have watched them grow together, as they maneuver through life’s tricky course. I am always inspired by their ability to not see roadblocks, but rather accept challenges for a higher purpose. And, I am proud to say that her mantra, “you can do anything you put your mind to,” has encouraged many who meet her.

Therefore, I should have anticipated how their next chapter would unfold. It began with the announcement that his out-of-state work became permanent. It had kept them apart for some time, and she was determined to find a resolution. I had every faith that they would get through it, and my prayers for that had just been answered. Yet, her exciting news-that she accepted a job offer there–left me in an admittedly selfish shock. “That’s wonderful,” I heard my voice echoing like I was falling into a deep valley. And then, feeling as though a ventriloquist had taken control, I heard myself asking about the job, hours, etc. I was afraid my developing panic attack would squash her deserved enthusiasm.

I tried to cover any angst in my voice, when she interrupted with the second bombshell. “I can start next Monday,” she said. Her voice overcome by tears of joy. My own crackled as well. “Really? That is so great for you two,” I choked out. She outlined the moving plan, giving me a few seconds to pretend to catch my breath. Apparently, I was so blindsided by wanting them to be settled together, that I naively put up a naive mental block against the possibilities.
I reminded myself that this was everything I’d prayed about for her-happiness, love, and peace. So, if it meant her moving across states, a 5 hour and 46 minutes drive to be exact, I had to let her go. As if she could sense my pain, she added that we could see them in just two weeks if we could drive some of her belongings down to her.

Over the following days, I kept myself busy with the details of the moving trip. However, I teetered on the verge of crying often. As moving day neared though, it took only a quick memory or beginning notes of a song to bring me to tears. I knew it was silly, but I just couldn’t help feeling like I was losing her.
Finally, it was time to load her things up and go. We headed out on a Saturday morning, excited with getting to visit with them and see all the wonderful sounding things she described about their new home. The drive went well until we arrived in her city. The bumper-to-bumper tourist traffic was like a knife to the heart. It was as though every car on the road was blocking me from seeing her. My cell phone rang in just the nick of time, saving me from another breakdown. She said that she was concerned about us getting lost once we left the main roads. She helped us out by coming to lead us the rest of the way. I felt better just seeing her car in front of ours.

I don’t think the truck had stopped completely in the driveway before I jumped out to get my arms around her. Her husband, Antonio, came out to join in the family hugs.

Our stay was fantastic. We woke each morning, and enjoyed our coffee on the sun porch overlooking the rolling hills of the ranch. The kids really enjoyed the animals. Monroe decided her favorite was a miniature donkey, Snickers. She looked so grown up as she took a ride on the horse, trying to perfect the lessons she learned in girl scouts. Morgan found he liked the horses too, but he loved another donkey, Mana. The kids also enjoyed fishing, Monroe giggled with delight both times Antonio caught the pond turtle. I constantly reminded myself to treasure every moment’s sights, sounds, and feelings.

We delayed leaving twice, but we finally had to. Everyone took a moment to exchange well wishes. Then, I couldn’t fight it any longer. I grabbed her and got the longest hug I can remember. I wept so hard over the thought of missing her. She was crying, too, but we had to let go. I dried my face, and looked her in the eyes. “I love you, Mom,” I said. “I love you, too,” she said as I climbed into the truck. As I was about to close the door, she bent down and tied my shoe without saying a word. I mentally giggled at the thought of her worrying about my shoes being untied while in a vehicle. But, I know, that silent, automatic mother’s act, will live with me forever.

Watching her wave from the window, I began crying again. Eventually, though, I was able to consul myself a bit with my thought that she was finally going to be happy.

As the sadness eased some, I was aware of what was going on in the backseat. Monroe was reading some really silly jokes. I looked over to see my husband painfully grinning through them. Morgan loved that the jokes were torturing us. Surprisingly, I found myself laughing at the jokes, too. Then, I recalled family trips from my childhood. I giggled over the realization that Mom probably didn’t find our jokes amusing, yet she never showed it.
So, there I sat riding with my family, as one of the parents. My husband driving and my children having a blast. I understood how I was able to laugh about things that meant the world to them, but honestly not funny to me. “This is what she did for me, she made me feel I was the most loved kid ever” I thought. She prepared me for a happy life. A warm feeling surrounded me. I knew that, once again, she helped me find peace. I smiled, as I realized that no matter the miles, she is always right there with me–tying my shoe laces so I won’t trip.